But not like that.

The more I try shooting events, the more I have come to realize that not only is there a special talent required for this, but also that there is apparently something about people and the way they function that I still haven't caught on to even after all these years of study.

I keep missing the primary important elements while focusing on the peripheral details that I find so engaging. The interactions, the special moments, the smiles and tears and hugs all blow by me while I'm going for that third perfect shot of the cake. And even when I'm telling myself "No, stop with the flowers already, it's time to shoot the first kiss," I still manage to be so unprepared and so unaware of how to capture the moment in a way that will mean something later that I rush and bungle the whole thing. Then, in an attempt to make up that failure, I start shooting random shots of people being people with each other and on review find that none of those have any meaning or beauty either. Or maybe they do, and I lack the eye to see it.

I will always be operating at a disadvantage here. Thanks to the autism, it will never be natural or easy for me to get inside people's heads in a way that will help me see these significant moments the way the Normals see them. I may be able, one day, to get a handle on the "list" of moments people want captured, but I will never be able to intuit the feeling I am supposed to be getting with the image. And because of that, I will never excel at composing those shots.

Photographing people is not and never will be my gift. It's time to make my peace with that.


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